Greg's Occasional News & Views
Thirty-nine years ago last Friday two fresh-faced youngsters with very little sense gathered with some friends and a couple of relations and made some crazy comments and absurd commitments. What were we thinking!!? And who would have thought that it would still be working all these years later! Continue reading “27 November 2011”
A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had run into one another virtually head-on.
One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, “He wouldn’t let me have my half of the road!”
After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, “That old lady says that you wouldn’t let her have her half of the road. Why not?
In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, “Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road — if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!” Continue reading “27 November 2011 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all.
It’s been a busy, busy week and that’s without any grand parenting duties – I actually had to do a bit of proper work. Yes, believe it or not, I actually had to go out into a couple of schools and work with teaching staff, administrative staff, headteachers and senior management teams helping them keep up with their Learning Platform. Every single day of the week! (Apart from Friday, of course). Continue reading “20 November 2011”
A man returns in the morning to a bar in which he’d spent the previous night. “Is it true that I drank $100 worth of booze here last night?” he asks.
“You did in fact drink $100 worth of alcohol here last night,” the bartender assures him.
“Thank God,” the man says, greatly relieved. “I was afraid I’d lost that money.” Continue reading “20 November 2011 – Amusements”
Well, we’ve had a good week – I hope yours has been similarly pleasant.
We had Nick, Lucy and Annabelle here for the night on Monday as they were in the midst of moving into their new home. The movers had packed up their old house and were going to deliver all their possessions to the new house on Tuesday so they came over for the evening and spent the night. Naturally, Annabelle was a dream and I was even able to introduce her to some of the finer elements of American football.
 |
 |
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this ‘miracle doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, “Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste nothing’, so what are you going to do?”
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43.”
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, “This is gross!” he yells.
“I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith,” says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, “Doc,” he starts, “I can’t remember!”
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43…”
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. Continue reading “13 November 2011 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all.
Some/many of you will remember that one of my “pet peeves” is the lunacy which we insist on going through twice a year when we change our clocks in the interest of saving daylight. The whole concept is absurd, of course, based on the premise that changing the hands on the face of the clock somehow affects the hours of daylight which we have available to us. Continue reading “6 November 2011”
After a hard day of drilling, the drill sergeant let the troops go. “All right, you idiots, report to the mess hall.”
Everybody walked away, sweating and their heads down, thankful for the end of the hard day. Only one private remained.
He looked at the officer and sincerely said, “Boy, there sure were a lot of them, huh, Sarge.” Continue reading “6 November 2011 – Amusements”