Day: 5 June 2011

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5 June 2011

Good morning and welcome to another edition of the Befouled Weakly News

After many, many years of non-interest in the proposition, I finally started recently to investigate the potential of becoming a citizen of the UK. You can tell that I tend to do things very quickly when I get motivated! It’s only been about thirty-six years since I first acquired the right to reside here permanently which has served me admirably well all this time. However, the incident which finally stirred me to action was waiting in an airport immigration queue with all the other dregs for about an hour while UK and European Community citizens breezed through by waving their passports in front of a very bored immigration official. That was two years ago when we came back from France so, again, you can see I’m right on top of this! Continue reading “5 June 2011”

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5 June 2011 – Amusements

It’s the year 2070, and NASA finally manages to get a manned mission to Jupiter. While surveying the moons, they find evidence of life on the moon Europa and land to make First Contact.

Sure enough, there’s a race of advanced beings there, and the two groups exchange huge amounts of information. Inevitably, the questions turn to sex.

“How do you reproduce?” one of the NASA astronauts asks.

The Europans are pleased to demonstrate. Two of them get together and touch tentacles in a special way. A moment later a sac appears on one of them, grows to the size of a basketball, and breaks open. A tiny tentacled baby pops out and falls to the ground, jumps up, and starts running around looking for its first meal.

“Amazing!” exclaim the Earthlings.

“So will you give us a demonstration of how you do it?” ask the aliens.

The Earthlings can hardly refuse, so the commander asks for volunteers and a couple steps forward and demonstrates Earthly delights. The Europans are rapt with interested attention.

When the couple finishes, however, the aliens are confused. “Where is the child?” they ask. “Or was the mating a failure?”

“Well,” says the commander, “we don’t find out right away. If it was successful, it takes a month or two to find out, and the baby doesn’t show up for nine months after conception.”

“Nine months?” asks the incredulous alien leader. “Then why were they in such a hurry at the end?” Continue reading “5 June 2011 – Amusements”