20 March 2011 – Amusements

A young man entered the local Tasty Freeze and asked, “What kind of ice cream do you have?”

“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl replied, wheezing as she spoke and patting her chest and seemingly unable to say much more.

“Do you have asthma or laryngitis?” the young man asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

A man wrote a letter to the IRS: “I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $200.00. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.”

I was on vacation in Florida on Christmas vacation.  I was walking down the beach and I see one of my colleagues approaching me.  He is a psychologist.  “You had breakfast yet,” I ask?
 
“No.”

“Let’s find a place.”
 
“Good,” he says.  “My car is right over there.”
 
I get in his car, a brand-new Lincoln, and right away I notice that it’s a stick-shift.
 
I say, “You bought a new Lincoln with a stick shift?  I didn’t know that they made a Lincoln like that.”
 
“They don’t,” he says.  “I ordered it special.”
 
“I’ll bet that cost a fortune,” I reply.
 
“Oh, ya.  You got that right.”
 
“Why would you buy a new Lincoln with a stick shift,” I ask?
 
He says, “My wife can’t drive a stick.”

And, in honour of St Patrick’s Day:

An Irish Man is sitting in the pub with his wife when he says, “I love you.”

She asks, “Is that you or the beer talking?”

He replies, “It’s me, talking to the beer.”